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Last night I did an audition for chamber group in the choir. Why does this make me happy – because it actually went quite well. Usually I get very nervous – really.very.stupidly.nervous!
When I get that nervous, strange things happen to my ability to process sound. I can hear, I just can’t process very quickly. Not just music. When I gave my first talk at a conference (in front of people who had written the textbooks) I was so nervous, I actually processed about one word in four. It’s a good thing that it was a different part of the brain that was doing the speaking (they asked reasonable questions, so I think they understood what I was saying) but the lack of feedback made things very difficult.
Same thing usually happens when I audition but then I really need the auditory feedback!
Somewhere in the last couple of years I’ve reduced the nervousness to something manageable. Not completely sure how, but I think it must be a combination of learning the harp (better processing skill, perhaps) and getting a small singing group together last year which put me in a relatively exposed situation without quite the nervousness of a ‘test’.
This isn’t to say that it was a totally brilliant audition, but a much better reflection of my singing abilities than previous ones. And I don’t harbour any delusions of being a diva.
When I get that nervous, strange things happen to my ability to process sound. I can hear, I just can’t process very quickly. Not just music. When I gave my first talk at a conference (in front of people who had written the textbooks) I was so nervous, I actually processed about one word in four. It’s a good thing that it was a different part of the brain that was doing the speaking (they asked reasonable questions, so I think they understood what I was saying) but the lack of feedback made things very difficult.
Same thing usually happens when I audition but then I really need the auditory feedback!
Somewhere in the last couple of years I’ve reduced the nervousness to something manageable. Not completely sure how, but I think it must be a combination of learning the harp (better processing skill, perhaps) and getting a small singing group together last year which put me in a relatively exposed situation without quite the nervousness of a ‘test’.
This isn’t to say that it was a totally brilliant audition, but a much better reflection of my singing abilities than previous ones. And I don’t harbour any delusions of being a diva.
